A woman walks into her doctor's office, scared of the strange
development recent to the inside of her thighs... a green spot on
the inside of each. They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and
they seem to be getting worse.
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of this, and that she
needn't worry until tests come back. He sends her home. A few days
later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's going on with these spots?
"You're perfectly healthy--there's no problem. But I'm wondering: is
your husband a chav?" the doctor asks.
"Yes--how did you know?"
"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
and this one,
The Ferrari Formula 1 Team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.
The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the Government's Youth Opportunity scheme and employ people from Liverpool.
The decision to hire them was brought on by a documentary on how unemployed youths from Liverpool were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of euros worth of high tech equipment.
Tony Blair went on record as saying this was a bold move by Ferrari management, which demonstrated the international recognition of the United Kingdom under New Labour. As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari now has an advantage over every team. However, Ferrari may have got more than they bargained for.
At the crew's first practice session, the Liverpool pit crew successfully changed the tyres in under 6 seconds, and then within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 8 bottles of Stella, a kilogram of speed and some photos of Coulthard's girlfriend in the shower.